On friends…again?

7 Dec

Real talk: I’ve never been super close with any of my friends, except maybe two people but that has long gone and since then, I haven’t had anyone I was close to.

Now I’m not sure if this is my fault or if this is because people don’t enjoy my company or if it’s a combination of the two. Going back to the “on having low self esteem” post I can honestly say I feel the same way about this as in I don’t know if people think I’m annoying or not which therefore makes me less likely to talk to people because I don’t want to annoy and/or bother anyone or make them feel like “UGH SHE’S TALKING TO ME AGAIN OK PLEASE LEAVE MY FACE” so I just…don’t.

So back to the fact that I’ve never been super close with anyone thing…yeah how does that stop? How does one find people that they enjoy talking to and eventually you know…friends? I don’t know, I only have questions not answers.

When I say “I’m confused” what I mean is “How does one live this thing called life and not be sad or angry or blegh all the time? How do people live blissful lives without having extreme anxiety?”

I mean this is just another burst of reality for ya, it’s also something I came to realise very recently and I don’t really know what to do about it, what I do know is I don’t know what to do but I hope that someday I will because I need some sort of positive development in my life as appose to this shitty development I call a deteriorated state of mental well-being.




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