Archive | October, 2016

On Jokes and how they can get real old, real quick

29 Oct

For the past few years I have noticed a pattern with people, they keep telling the same jokes over and over again, with adjustments here but basically tell the same joke again and again just re-worded.

It’s like reading a last minute essay that didn’t have much to say so the person just repeats and regurgitates the information but they re-word it each time.

A good joke is like a bar of chocolate…have too much of it and you’ll be sick but have just enough and it’ll be fabulous.

Metaphors aside, I really do think people need to stop regurgitating the same joke again and again and again and again and again and again and well you get the picture…I have been a victim of such a joke, my friends remember an incident that occurred around 5 or 6 years ago and repeat the funny story over and over and over and over and- to the point where I don’t think it’s funny anymore, just really, really, really, really annoying. Which is what happens when other people repeat the same stories or tell the same jokes and honestly, sometimes you can tell the same old jokes again and again but periodically, occasionally, with lots of time in between not on a weekly, monthly, daily basis because to be honest, the more someone tells a joke the less funny it gets or the less funny it gets TO ME, emphasis on me because I cannot speak for the general audience of such a joke.

I was never one to laugh at anything but I did find the humour in things but honestly if I laugh at something but that laughter turns to anger then I know the joke’s gone too long and too far for me to find it funny anymore.

Sometimes people take it too far, to the point where nobody wants to be involved anymore but you’re just going to be nice to stop such a joke. I can’t deal with jokes that go too far, it’s too much…It’s just too much for me to keep being patient about.

I’d like to say “if anybody does this to you, then confront them about it” but I think that if you are annoyed or angry that you may not be able to control yourself and just burst. However, if you do want this to stop then do confront the person and tell them in a jokingly friendly way with a sincere smile like “hahaha XD don’t you think this joke’s gone on for long enough?? It’s not gonna be funny if we tell it every time! :D” Or something like that and if they don’t stop, then get serious.

Sorry about this little rant, it’s just it bothers me a little when my friends reguritate my old  somewhat-embarressing stories OK YES IT HAPPENED CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON! 🙂



On Having a Low Self Esteem

28 Oct

Here’s the thing…I always thought there was something inherently wrong with me, I always felt annoying, like I annoyed everyone around me. I’m not sure why I think this, but I do and I actually believe this to be true.

Sometimes I feel like people are being nice to me when they don’t tell me I’m annoying but it doesn’t matter if they do because I AM annoying, or at least I feel like I am ALL THE DAMN TIME. The issue with feeling this way is that maybe sometimes it’s not true but I won’t know when it is or isn’t because I define myself as annoying and so that, to me, is a trait that makes up a large portion of my personality.

I am a relatively confident person, I am pretty confident with myself and my actions, however I have “low self esteem” apparently,  which means:

  • Believing that’s there’s something wrong with me…yeah, true.
  • “self esteem” or “panic” attacks when I do something I think is stupid or in my case, annoying, or when I do something that I think is stupid AND annoying at the same time, like message someone and if they don’t answer my question or something I get all panicky and sometimes out of breath? Yeah that happens. All. The. Freakin. Time. Which is why I don’t message people that often and on Twitter when people say “oh DM me, we gotta continue this convo” or “u ok? if you wanna talk, I’m here to listen” ok I really need to let this out.
    • in the first instance when people say “we gotta chat later, DM me or hit me up” makes me feel anxious to do so because
      • A: people are busy and I really don’t wanna bother them
      • B: I don’t really have much to say so to start a conversation other people probably don’t even want me to talk to them (see A) then why even bother.
    • In the second instance aka the “if something’s wrong and you wanna chat come DM me and I’ll listen” or whatever it does 2 things
      • Just the fact that people offered makes me feel better but also
      • It makes me feel like I’m a burden and a little bit annoying so I don’t bother and basically let it ride out because I literally don’t have anyone to talk to about the shit I’m anxious, nervous, angry or sad about.

Now I know this sounds stupid but I don’t know, maybe I’m over analysing this but I just dont’ want to be a burden or anything like that. I just want everyone to not be annoyed by me which is never going to happen so again, why bother.

I’ve spent a large portion of my life not talking to people about my problems and shit and basically dealing with it myself, because for the last few years I haven’t had anyone I could confide in, that one friend that calls me up at 7 in the morning on holidays just to vent about the thing that’s upsetting them, but even in those days I never had the confidence to call them up and talk about my problems…I think I need some real help. So because I’ve spent a large portion, more specifically, the last few years without anyone I could properly talk to and confide in, I’ve kindof gotten used to this “loner” status of mine but it’s strange because I get a little sad when I see close friends confide in each other which kindof hurts soemtimes but like I said, I don’t even care anymore. Life is life, I’ll live and see what happens because who even gives a shit anymore.

Which is weird and true and boy oh boy does this clear up shit for me, also just letting it out makes me feel better? Which is a weird concept for me because I would’ve thought this would make me feel worse but nah, it makes me give no shits about it. I should stop overthinking but I can’t help myself and I do try but like I said: I don’t want to be annoying or a burden on anyone! I get really happy when people take me up on my offer and I don’t feel annoyed at all, but I can’t take up other people’s offer because I feel like I’M the annoying one and that is just the last thing I want to be, right next to accountant (because I’m really bad with math but accountants are pretty cool sometimes so it’s not supposed to be insulting I’m just being realistic with myself in that I couldn’t be one if I wanted to to be honest”

I’ve said in previous posts that I’ve been having these “panic moments” not as serious as a panic attack but like a tiny version lasting a couple of seconds? It happens when I do something I deem to be stupid, annoying or when I think about things that I don’t necessarily want to think about or when people are hurt and I can’t help and DAMMIT I DON’T KNOW.

I just needed to put it out there.

Great. Now move on, get going with your day, I hope you have a great one 🙂


On Third Wheeling…every. single. time.

24 Oct

Hello there ok so imagine this: You are sitting in the canteen, perfectly content with your own company, laptop is on, headphones are in, you are having the time of your life when all of a sudden someone asks to sit on your table and of course you say yes because it’s a free table apart from you.

This happens every day and you eventually become somewhat friends.

Then one day someone else chooses to join the table and the conversations you once had with friend (eh) number 1 are now divided between this other person and them. Eventually this other person and friend 1 have private chats on your table excluding you (yes actually excluding you from the conversation) and then you try to hop in but can’t because you have no idea what they’re on about and eventually move to another table the next day because you have officially become the third wheel.

Ok so you get an image of this, you feel like you’re a nuisance and like you’re interrupting them when you should be included so of course you separate and leave this “pack”.

What if the people you left for another table come back and ask you why you don’t hang out with them anymore? What if they go “hey let’s go to the cinema!” but then ignore you and start having a private chat…why do they want you there? My answer? I have no bloody clue.

Ok so here’s my story: *see anecdote above* that is not how it happened like setting-wise not a cafeteria but that’s basically how it happens every time.

I have been a third wheel my entire life. My. Entire. Freakin. Life.

I don’t mind being a loner, I don’t mind hanging out by myself but when I do I get hoards of people who randomly come up to me to complain about their problems…let me be clear I do not know these people’s names. I have never had classes with these people. How do these people even know I exist?

Hanging out with people or “third wheeling” even if it’s sometimes fourth, fifth or sixth wheeling is basically a shield that tells people who want to come and complain that I’m busy with other people.

I, however, do not like third wheeling I FREAKIN DESPISE IT. Yes I despise it and I despise it when other people are being third wheeled. I would much rather be by myself than be excluded, it’s bloody freakin rude to include someone like me into your “club” or “group” and then ignore me or have inside conversations that I’ve got no clue on I mean at least talk about things I know about when you’re with me!

People are so rude! I say “I hate people” a lot, I used to say it A LOT more than I do now just because I have people that give me faith in humanity and now I say it a lot less frequently but boy oh boy do I hate people who do this shit.

I’m not saying you can’t have more than one friend, you can have many! But a true friend wouldn’t ask you to be included and then exclude you from the conversation…you know you don’t have to be friends with everybody, just be friendly! Which is different.

At this point I would much rather be alone than with people like this, even if it means awkward interactions with humans who want to complain and if I’m bothered I might just say “Hi yeah ok I’m sorry I’m kindof busy right now and also I have no idea what you are talking about so can I please get some alone time to finish this? thanks” because if they don’t respond to that and keep at it then all I’ll be able to say is “piss off” which is what I will say if they keep pestering me because it’s basically harassment at this point.

Well that was my rant. Sorry- wait no I am not sorry about that because anybody who third wheels friends and such is just an utter prick. A complete. utter. prick. who doesn’t deserve any of your time and attention and you should leave them right now…or not…again it’s up to you.

Thank you for your time and I might or might not have another rant waiting in the drafts for you to see soon…A rant with purpose…like this one.

Have a nice day you lot who are reading this…you might not…it’s up to you really 🙂

On Coffee. 

18 Oct

Well actually more like on coffee and wasting your money please don’t be an idiot and waste it on coffee that doesn’t even taste good without an insane amount of syrup, milk and sugar, that’s not coffee my friends, that is a dessert. 

Coffee is what you have in the morning, it could be plain, with milk, with sugar or with milk and sugar. But morning coffee should never have syrup.

Chain coffee places piss me off because they make you spend an insane amount of money on coffee that you could get at the cafeteria, and yes most of the time that coffee actually tastes better…strange isn’t it. 

Anyways here’s the point I’m trying to make: Don’t waste your money on crappy, overpriced coffee. 

Also I love sugar. I am the dessert queen…just not when it comes to coffee 🙂