Archive | September, 2016

On Cringe and My little secret (but not really) 

22 Sep

It’s like what I imagine heartburn to be but more stomachey like my heart and stomach go “ughhhhh” and then it’s like it all folds itself in…this is what happens when I cringe, get uncomfortable or when someone is hurt and I dunno how to help or what to say…it’s all weird, I know but I don’t do it on purpose or anything it just happens, like I don’t ask myself to cringe or whatever it just happens ok! 
I’ve started to cringe a lot less now, it’s not as apparent or as present as it used to be and I guess that’s just about exposure maybe? I’m not sure, but I’m just glad I cringe less cuz I hate this feeling in my stomach and body in general, it feels weird and I don’t recommend it. It feels like when you’re super hungry but didn’t realise how hungry you were…? Yeah. 

So there are somethings that obviously make me uncomfortable I mean DUH but I’m actually pretty ok with most of it, like it’s pretty difficult to make me uncomfortable, there are two things I can’t watch, horror and super romance, I can’t stand that mush or that nightmarish situation…but other than that I am surprisingly ok with almost everything else. 

In other words…Cringe is 1 less problem I have to worry about AND I don’t want people to worry/convince me to watch or do something cuz like I said I’m pretty ok with a lot of shit so it’s not gonna take a lot of convincing. 

(My lil secret is (this ones not really a secret) the innocence/childlike thing is how I am in real life and stuff but it’s become such a part of me I feel like I have to play the role now…I dunno how to do anything else, I’ve been playing this role for so long and yeah it is a part of me but I’m also an old person and I like to take a risk…the risk taking thing is the thing I don’t necessarily admit but there, you happy now!) 🙂

– T

Ethical or Un-ethical?

17 Sep

Journalists are known to be dodgy and sleazy but they’re also known for telling the truth…which is more common?

Journalism professors tell you to never lie or make up anything and be upfront and honest but they also sometimes tell you to do some pretty dodgy things…

For example if you need someone to open up to you and give you information that they were uncomfortable giving you before then get to know them, distract them, they’ll forget about you being a journalist and will just talk and give you all the information…dodgy, right?

Or if you’re taking photographs and people don’t want you to take photos like the police or something but when you actually have the right to, just put the camera down and wait, be friendly, when they’re not looking take a photo. Also if they don’t let you take a photo play the role of “oh golly gee I had no idea! I’m so sorry” and basically act dumb or a flirt (yes this was actually advice how stupid is this) and yeah…all of it…just all of it. Ok now you can’t tell me this isn’t dodgy or sleazy.

Now tell me, is any of this ethical?

-T

On Forced Socialising

10 Sep

Forcing people to do anything can sometimes result them in rebelling against it.

At least that is the case in my situation.

Every time someone forces me to socialise or comes over to me and forces a conversation when all I want to do is be alone causes me to go into my alone place and want to be left alone even more than I did before. I know I can’t control other people but I want them to take a hint and leave me alone when I want to be left alone. Please.

Socialising is difficult for me because I tend to enjoy my own company more than the company of big groups of people I hardly ever talk to or who talk about awkward things or just groups of strangers I have never met.

This problem I have with socialising is part anxiety and part-I haven’t had a proper hanging out-chatty friend in years (5?) and so i’ve done a lot of things by myself and therefore get anxious when people are around me or try to help me because where were they when I needed help a few years ago? Not here that’s where. And so I need to adjust my brain to let other people help but it won’t!

So please respect not only my space but also everybody on earth who wants to be left alone please, we all have problems and situations and sometimes just NEED to be left alone. Thank you.

-T